When a Loved One Un-Alives Themselves.

Just a word of warning. In this episode I touch specifically on suicides and my understanding as a medium and having worked with many, many, people who have both committed suicide and have had family members who’ve committed suicide over the years. So this may be triggering for some of you. But understand that this all comes from my own personal knowing and my own personal experiences. Having said that, let’s begin.

It’s incredibly sad when one loses a loved one. But that pain is doubly compounded when this loss is through suicide. Suicide being the act of taking one’s own life. Firstly. If this applies to you, I want to say how sorry I am. How very sorry I am, for the loss of your loved one. Be that a family member or a friend. It is so very devastating to lose a loved one at any time. But to lose them through suicide leaves so many unanswered questions. I’m going to share with you all what I personally know from working with both the surviving loved ones and with the people themselves who have committed suicide. Who have come to me asking me to help their loved ones find some closure. And perhaps have some questions answered.

Until I did a weekend of consultations about seven or so years ago in Tokoroa. In the North Island of New Zealand. I was absolutely unaware of the scope of precisely how many, in this case mostly young men, were taking their own lives. Before I went to do this weekend of consultation, Spirit came to me and told me that I would be dealing with people who had committed suicide, that weekend.

But honestly, I was unprepared for the sheer number of those whom had been touched directly or indirectly by suicide. I had approximately thirty consultations that weekend booked. And over three quarters of them had lost a loved one in this manner. Or a person who had committed suicide came through in the consultation because, the person who was having the consultation was friends with their Mum, or family. And he desperately wanted to let them know that he was okay.

This touched me to my core. Really deeply. And since then a large percentage of my work has been in this particular area. Until that weekend I would get perhaps four, maybe five a year in all the years I’ve been doing consultations. In all the decades I’ve been doing consultations.Perhaps, I personally, had to be at a level of maturity and understanding where I could deal with the emotions from both spirit and the grieving loved ones. Even today it still, at times, rocks me emotionally. And I feel intense compassion for both sides.

I’ve worked with many, many souls who’ve passed over via their own hands. Every single one of them, without exception, say that they are met with nothing but unconditional love and acceptance by those who are working with them. To help heal and support them as they work through the pain that caused them to take their own lives to begin with. Every single one I’ve dealt with, and over the years, there’s been hundreds of them.

So please, please, be at peace in this, knowing that your loved one is not alone. That your loved one is in fact, surrounded by people who are loving him or her. Helping him or her to recover from the grief and pain that caused them to pass in this manner. I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain and it’s very, very raw at the moment. Here’s something that may bring you some comfort.

Please. Do not focus on their manner of passing. It was simply their time to pass into spirit. If it were not so, they would not have been successful in their attempt to take their life. And I say this both from the perspective of an ex-nurse and as a medium. I remember nursing a person who seriously, seriously, tried to take their life on at least six different occasions. These were genuine and serious efforts. Each attempt by all laws known to man, should have been successful. None of them were. Because it was simply not that person’s time to pass over. So try not to focus on the how. Simply understand that it was time is all.

It rocks whanau or family of loved ones and friends, when someone you know and love takes their own lives. The worst thing some have said to me are the unanswered questions. And the guilt that people left behind…. Many feel…

What did I miss?

Could something I’ve said made a difference?

Was it something I said?

So many questions you may never have an answer to in this life. Here is what I know. What all, without exception, spirit who have passed in this

manner have told me. And what spirit I work with have told me happens.

What happens?

People who commit suicide do so because they are in intractable pain. Whether this pain is caused by physical, or mental causes. It doesn’t matter. All they can see, all they can feel is this overwhelming pain. They can see no other options to stop the pain. They hurt and simply want the hurting to stop. They do not fully realise the effect their actions will have on surviving loved ones. Except perhaps only vaguely.

So a person who commits suicide can see no other escape. Often times family members and loved ones will be wracked with guilt over this. And beat themselves up emotionally.

Why didn’t I see this coming?

What could I have done to prevent this?

Why didn’t I see the cues they were putting out?

What did I miss that could have made a difference?

Would anything I have done made a difference?

Was it something I said?

Was it something I did or didn’t do?

Why couldn’t they come to me?

I’ve heard all of these questions and so many more.

Is my loved one okay?

Are they in hell?

Are they alone?

Is there someone with them?

Are they lost?

Are they still hurting?

When a person commits suicide, they are immediately met on the other side by loved ones whom they recognize. They are never, ever, by themselves. Not for a second. There is always someone there to help them. These hurting and traumatized souls are taken to a place where they receive both counselling and healing. To help them come to terms with both the pain they suffered here. And the pain they caused to the loved ones they left behind.

This is all done with unconditional love and acceptance of the soul involved. As part of the healing process, their souls are shown in a non-judgmental and truly loving way, the effect that their actions have had on those they left behind. Nothing is hidden from them. This is an important part of their healing process. It’s done totally without judgment to the person involved. But with supportive and unconditional love.

Always, the souls who come to me, ask me to please, please, tell Mum. Please tell Dad. Please tell… My aunt, my friend, my cousin, to please release the guilt they hold over their manner of passing. That guilt is not theirs to carry. That they alone are responsible for their choice.

And that they had no idea of the depth of pain and guilt their actions would cause the surviving loved ones. And above all, they want the surviving loved ones to know this, and to know that they no longer are in pain. That they no longer are bound by human constraints. And that they are so very sorry for the pain and suffering they caused those left behind.

So if this has happened to you or someone you know, understand that the souls who pass in this manner will be okay. That you will be okay. I’m so very, very sorry for your loss and any pain that you may currently be experiencing. Grief is a process that takes some time to work through. But perhaps, having this little bit of understanding will help you to process that pain and give you some peace of mind about your loved one.